I am relocating my blog to Wordpress. I prefer it. From now on, I will be posting blogs at my new location:
http://msamandajensen.wordpress.com/
See you there!
12.27.2009
Relocation
by amanda joan jensen at 9:29 PM 0 comments
12.14.2009
The Future I Cannot Forget
I've been having some very selfish thoughts lately. But I just see them so clearly; I can't help myself!
It's this visualization stuff. It just gets more and more vivid and clear.
I am very grateful to have grasped a pretty deep understanding of this life journey we make. I sit here today, 26 and feeling quite mature, remembering how mature I felt when I was 24. And then I think about how I could not have been more different two years ago. Every day I am learning, adjusting, responding, reflecting, commenting, improving. Which leads me to conclude that in two more years, I might be an entirely different person. How exciting!
So now I see the present as this fleeting thing. It just keeps rolling away from under me. One moment its 8am and I am drinking coffee and starting a new day, and then its 4pm and I am home and eager to relax and unwind. And before I know it, the sun has set and it's 9:30, time to start thinking about bed. It's just passing by so fast. I don't think I can live in the present moment anymore. It's quite exhausting! Instead, I have been thinking a lot about the future. Specifically, I have been thinking about the different twists and turns I may take along the way, each step getting stronger and better adjusted and more compassionate.
Step One is to give as much as I can at my current job. I definitely see the need to develop a strong curriculum and to inspire students to find an outlet through the performing arts; somewhere they can express their individuality and connect with others. I hope that sharing my knowledge and skills at work teaches me lessons as well. Lessons that lead me to my next step in life.
Eventually I will feel that there isn't much left for me at Ellis. Perhaps the days will grow monotonous, or it no longer feels like a challenge to achieve my goals. It is then that I will seek new opportunities, packing up the lessons and experiences and moving on.
And here is where the visualizations kick in. They are so vivid - down to the very last detail. When I think about the details and setting of this next chapter, I feel tingly with anticipation. Last night, in the quiet moments before I fell asleep, my mind was alive with pictures. It was almost as though I was Scrooge, being offered a glimpse of the future. It was so realistic, and the more I wanted it to be real, the more details I imagined
It was perfect. It was me and Kyle. We lived in Chicago with our kitties in an apartment with steps that led up to it. I seemed very peaceful and happy; there did not seem to be a presence of stress or anxiety at all. Kyle was working pretty steadily as an actor in the city; I was working as a choreographer for a college or small theater company. This is a job that is stable and profitable enough to make ends meet comfortably, but nothing more extravagant than that. It allows me to be creative and expressive, working with serious theater/dance students. I would teach classes during the day and choreograph the shows at night.
That is the synopsis of the whole story, with lots of details, friends, and locations filling in the empty spaces.
In the few short months it took me to become extremely inspired to become more generous, frugal, creative, positive, and open-minded, my life has progressed at lightening speed. I have changed into a person who is almost unrecognizable, and my life experiences are completely different, even day by day. At the rate I'm going, I don't think I could imagine who I could be after 4-6 years of generosity, money saving, creativity, positivity, and open-mindedness. Those are such powerful words and could change a nation, or a world, even. Who knows what could happen to one small person.
But I am so excited. Just...so excited. Life feels like it has just begun in a way.
by amanda joan jensen at 5:11 PM 0 comments
12.06.2009
Holiday Musings.
It's been quite awhile since I've blogged. Things are going quite great.
Work is swell. We had an Arts Festival that was a huge success! It was a rewarding experience for everyone involved and brought a strong sense of camaraderie to our school. Now only 10 days left of school until Winter Break! I can't believe this school year has whizzed by so fast. The languid, idyllic days of August seem like only moments ago sometimes. After Winter Break my musical theater class will be putting on a concert in March and then we are doing Seussical Jr. after that! (Whew!)
Kyle and I are anticipating his graduation next weekend and hoping to celebrate with a getaway weekend of sorts. We saw a terrific band at Kryptonite the other night - Strange Arrangement - some of the best live music I have ever seen in my life! They are playing next weekend in Chicago so we are trying to make that work.
Kyle and I are feeling mellow about the holidays. All we seem to see during the holidays is the stress, and we're just not going to be participating in that this year. We see no point in going to the mall or any other shopping destination. We are taking it upon ourselves (as a creative endeavor) to use only our resources and a necessary portion of our already humble cash flow. When we started to talk about it a few nights ago, we got excited. Forcing ourselves to think outside the box produced thoughtful and appropriate gift ideas that will be stimulating and enjoyable to put together. It should be a fun and rewarding holiday this year!
Man I've got choreography on the brain. I want to watch it, talk about it, make it up, listen to music, everything. I think about when I was little and would entertain myself by playing dress up, putting on music, and dancing. I would imagine the performance: lights, formations, costumes. And now I am working so closely with our new dance teacher, Cyndi, who is an inspiration to work with on a daily basis, as well as all of these new choreography opportunities getting started in Durand. Right now, all I want is time to connect with music and really great headphones. Old music, music I've never head of, music I am just getting in to. But I've got 10 days of school to truck through first before I can let the creative juices flow. I'm starting to feel really antsy for Winter Break. I guess I should be thankful that I am feeling that now, instead of in October...
Signing off for now.
by amanda joan jensen at 11:49 PM 0 comments
11.02.2009
We'll have fun fun fun.
Funny how a change of scenery makes all the difference.
What a different world I live in from the world I became so accustomed to this summer. Now the sun sets at 5pm. Now I wrap up in fleece, flannel, and wool to keep myself warm. Now there are concerts, festivals, classes, meetings, rehearsals. Now my only free time is on the weekends.
Have I changed since this summer? Of course.
But I don't feel worse. Or negative.
I feel so accomplished. I love my job and I love teaching, which makes the days flash by in a snap.
I feel so heathy. I have been doing so much moving, dancing, teaching, stretching, eating only when needed, not so much caffeine. As a teacher, you NEED that. Otherwise you just face plant and the kids run circles around you.
I feel positive and mostly rested (amazing). Perhaps that is what comes from finding inner peace and clarity - true clarity: that feeing of knowing exactly what you want and when you want it.
Visualize what you want and hang on to that picture. Print it out or paint it if you have to. (The more I look at trees, the more trees I see, the more beautiful they look, etc). The more you visualize, the more it will surround you - seriously!
Communicate honestly and assertively.
Keep your heart filled with love. If it starts to get low, remind yourself of something you're grateful for.
It is the season of Thanksgiving, after all.
Happy Holidays!
by amanda joan jensen at 6:00 PM 0 comments
10.18.2009
live high, live mighty, live righteously. takin' it easy...
fall has me feeling extremely creative, inspired, and philosophical.
next time you feel your temper rise, stop everything and ask yourself to find the positive. rephrase your negativity into what you're really feeling. maybe you feel disappointed, frustrated, fed-up, stressed out. whatever it is, it never gives you the right to spread it around to other people. never suppress emotions or apologize for being upset; it's human nature. but instead of blowing up and pushing everyone around you away, reach out for their help.
"i'm sorry, i'm just so upset about this. it really disappointed me." or "i'm sorry, i just have so much going on at work. it's hard for me to put a lot of thought into other things right now." or "i'm sorry, i just need to calm down for a minute. all of this stuff is really overwhelming me."
and then talk it out.
it will change everything, i promise.
by amanda joan jensen at 4:20 PM 0 comments
9.21.2009
sick kitty with a happy ending.
sick little gus. my sweet baby.
rushed to the vet friday because he kept trying (in agonizing pain) to wee all over the house. the vet said he has FLUTD - Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disorder.
incurable. :( BUT treatable & preventable.
fortunately, he had prompt medical attention and was given a new diet and heavy painkillers to make him loopy. i spent the weekend nursing my little guy and watching him suffer. it was terrible.
his suffering motivated me to devote this weekend to converting our dirty basement storage room into a living room. got lucky at garage sales & salvation army/goodwill, went crazy with my wetjet, threw out a lot of garbage, and moved 2 couches (one has a bed!), 2 comfy chairs, a huge area rug, a coffee table, and various other lighting/decor effects and now i am writing to you from my cozy new living space.
and i have a very happy little kitty (who is feeling MUCH better) snoozing on his blankie. he had a tiring day of playing and exploring in the new basement. his new diet seems to have done wonders for his little system & i am so happy to have my little orange kitty back to normal. both of my kitties are smothering me with love & gratitude. i knew living with 4 cats was going to be rough. i'm glad i got this basement opened up to give them all a little more room to spread out and claim.
my kitties deserve it. after all, they are my little rays of sunshine every day. and just in case i had forgotten, this weekend reminded me of how precious they are to me.
happy monday night. :)
by amanda joan jensen at 11:29 PM 0 comments
9.14.2009
lights will guide you home & ignite your bones
to shatter into pieces all over the floor
in a really messy disarray
it takes some putting back together again
picking up the pieces and counting 1-2-3
sorting into piles and working into place
there were a lot of pieces
it takes the healing power of time
erasing thoughts, purging chemicals
easing up & starting fresh
and just go one day at a time.
by amanda joan jensen at 12:36 AM 1 comments
8.30.2009
things i might have done, complete with photos.
one memorial day to one labor day. the summer of 2009.
no longer the gently-passing moments of the present, but now a completed story: an entity.
it now has a name. it has music and smells and tastes that are associated with it. it is now the past.
it started with absorbing and photographing sunlight everywhere i went. sprinkled through the budding tree branches, washing over saturated blue skies, and sparkling over the surface of the rock river.
and the days became languid. heavy with warm air and endless sunlight, enchanted with fireflies and fluffy clouds. my nights became later as my body fell happily into its natural biologic rhythm. any notion of a schedule was far from my mind.
it became obvious that i would accompany kyle to the suburbs almost every day, where he was earning a living as an actor in the marriott's 25th annual putnam county spelling bee. my daily trips to the suburb became my times of inspiration and enlightenment. those beautiful clouds never quit, and the northwestern suburbs are packed with forest preserves to read books under trees in. i shared a silent and magical moment in a prairie with a deer and spent many lazy afternoons in the sunlight at the marriott pool. beautiful, beautiful memories.
then came the 4th of july. my beloved aaron was in town for the festivities, and my brother, susan, danielle, and more joined the celebration. the hazy rain put a damper on our cookout plans, but we still made quite a feast for our guests and walked from our apartment downtown to the jefferson street bridge, where we had the most beautiful view.
when kyle finished spelling bee, the trips began. he and i were free to roam wherever we pleased day after day. we saw 6 cardinals game (st. louis twice, milwaukee three times, and philadelphia once). we drove to zion, IL to take in the beauty of lake michigan and the amazing clouds. we road tripped to pennsylvania for a jason mraz/dave matthews concert. we saw some of the most beautiful stretches of highway in the midwest. we listened to hours and hours of endless music. we walked on sand, skipped stones, tailgated in the mud, watched sunsets, chased storms, witnessed floods. all amazing and unforgettable experiences.
eventually, the wanderlust faded. the money was all spent. and mine and kyle's jet-setting days were traded in for long, lazy days spent doing absolutely nothing but staying in bed for movie marathons, making delicious meals, taking walks, playing with the kitties, and enjoying having our apartment to ourselves. these days dragged by, but they were also the catalyst for some of the amazing and intimate bonding experiences kyle and i shared. i don't think we've ever connected as closely as we did this summer.
the end of summer brought a few scattered activities and some family time. it ended with a bang at the jason mraz concert at the charter one pavilion in chicago, IL. it was video taped for a live album release this fall (!), and we waited in line ALL DAY LONG, earning us front-row-center spots. probably the most amazing day of my life.
which brings us to labor day 2009. and back to school. and autumn.
these are not all bad things.
labor day was lovely. a trip to milwaukee (just like how summer started on memorial day) to watch the cardinals beat the brewers, then to chicago to be entertained by my brother's band, the paradigm, who played at the red line tap.
back to school is perfectly all right. i need the productivity to remind me how beautiful summer will be when it rolls beguilingly back around. i'm having an amazing year so far. i'm really connecting with my students and having success after success with my lessons and activities. i am determined to build the drama program at ellis into something substantial! sure, my schedule is rough. never enough sleep, never enough time, a to-do list that adds items faster than i can check them off, and that's only school related. there's also durand, boyfriend, cleaning house, taking care of kitties, showering, running errands. yeah. it's hectic. but as i said, if summer lasted forever, it would stop being so sweet.
and autumn is always beautiful. i look forward to the colors of paradise. i look forward to watching the leaves fall to the ground revealing twisted and mystic trees silhouetted against the sky. i look forward to eating chili and stew and apple cider. i look forward to having a warm, cozy home, welcoming the holidays with a positive attitude and a heart full of love and gratitude.
life has become steady. finally.
so this posting is my ode to summer. my sorrowful farewell to the most incredible and happy nights of my life.
a promise to never ever forget.
smile, and watch the icicles melt away and see the waters rising
summer’s here to stay, and that sweet summer breeze will blow forever.
go down to the shore, kick off your shoes, dive in the empty ocean."
you don't know me but i know you. you're my favorite star.
follow you i will so lets get moving"
8.5 months. but who's counting.
by amanda joan jensen at 1:58 PM 0 comments
8.21.2009
curbing emotion
so, summer has ended. is ending. will end. monday i go back to school. the end of summer will bring a sad & beautiful blog, but i'm still in denial (school doesn't OFFICIALLY start until monday, so i have 3 days...), so instead, i am going to blog about something on a lighter note.
MASCARA!!
if you didn't know or assume this about me, i am a mascara-guru who is quite picky about her eyelashes. i've had a few trusty brands, such as:
max factor 2000 calorie mascara (used this endlessly in college)
l'oreal volume shocking mascara (too high maitenance, but amazing results!)
maybelline colossal volum' mascara (the old trusty in my adult years)
but now, i have found a new lash-mate.
i recently picked up this one:
l'oreal extra volume collagen mascara
and it's my new favorite! this oversized wand makes me feel like i am a little girl using my mom's mascara, and when the brush glides over your lashes, it feels so big and fat that my eyelashes haven't a chance of staying thin and blonde.
exceptional!!
by amanda joan jensen at 10:43 AM 3 comments
7.28.2009
gush
jason mraz's "the remedy", reggae-style live @ hersheypark stadium in PA. i love it. actually more like obsessed.
and i was there!!
by amanda joan jensen at 11:44 PM 2 comments
road trip aftermath
so our big summer road trip was shortened to 4 days instead of two weeks, and thank god for that. i had no idea how rough that highway road could be. i'm glad we went; we learned a lot about ourselves and our coping abilities and we also had a few breathtaking moments amidst it all. but here are some things we encountered along the road trip from IL to PA.
by amanda joan jensen at 11:56 AM 0 comments
7.23.2009
vent
1. people drinking beer out of my glasses on my back porch.
by amanda joan jensen at 12:01 AM 0 comments
7.12.2009
time traveler's wife
it's sunrise.
by amanda joan jensen at 5:29 AM 0 comments
6.27.2009
strawberry fields forever.
these days, my mind is like a polaroid picture, cotton dresses on the clothesline, fireflies at night.
by amanda joan jensen at 12:22 PM 0 comments
6.17.2009
paradise.
...and then i found this to match it, and i'm absolutely drooling.
by amanda joan jensen at 12:19 AM 2 comments
6.16.2009
inspirations and purchases.
my first purchase on ETSY!!! (borders and logo not a part of the print)
by amanda joan jensen at 11:40 PM 0 comments
6.10.2009
6.07.2009
updated summer project list.
1. have a yard sale. i am cleaning out my closets, selling almost all of my clothes, shoes, accessories, and other miscellaneous items in an attempt to start fresh. the yard sale is this coming thursday and friday, 10-5 each day. come on out!
by amanda joan jensen at 12:02 PM 0 comments
6.03.2009
long awaited.
::sigh::
by amanda joan jensen at 11:17 PM 1 comments
5.13.2009
welcome to the night.
ugggh i hate these blogs. the obligatory blog that has to cover SO MUCH important material, being that the reason you haven't blogged in forever in the first place is because of all the crazy and meaningful things that have been taking up your time.
by amanda joan jensen at 12:45 AM 3 comments
5.04.2009
summer to-do.
with AP moving out, i will be losing a table in this sort-of "undefined" room in my house. with that table gone, i will be gaining a blank canvas. after tossing around some ideas, i think i have finally settled on the idea of a morning room. i came across the notion while idly scanning through an internet search of "vintage rooms". i saw a photo titled "1920's morning room", which then led me to google "morning room." what a quaint idea! granted, morning rooms are for grand mansions or affluent folk, but who's to say i can't design one in my cute little apartment?! so i imagine that my morning room will include a comfortable place to sit and eat breakfast together on the weekend, or a place to relax a read a book or pay bills. i'm thinking a chaise with an end table and a cafe table.
3. A NEW T.V.
by amanda joan jensen at 7:21 PM 5 comments
4.28.2009
birthday blog.
i'm 26 today! and that's okay. 25 was much worse. although i definitely didn't get any younger this year, i am starting to embrace the fact that i will never be a teenager again. i am a lady now.
being a "getting-close-to-thirty" year old is absolutely okay.
today i drove to work in my new '89 subaru hatchback and stopped at hilander to buy snacks and lunch. no classes until 10:45 (niiice!). when i got to school, i was greeted by so many coworkers and students, with little birthday treats and offerings and well-wishes; it was so charming. and then i taught my first class how to play apples and apples and shared my bag of blow-pops. the next class watched my all-time favorite movie with me (that thing you do), and now it's my planning time and i'm blogging. once willy wonka rehearsal is over after school, i will have some time to (DRIVE!) home and relax. dinner with mom at the olympic tavern and maybe a little shopping. then drinks and celebration with some of my best friends.
it's a terrific day!
i just wish kyle could be around more. i won't see him until 11 or so...:(
short and sweet today, i have to go enjoy the rest of this lovely day!
by amanda joan jensen at 2:32 PM 2 comments
4.25.2009
4.21.2009
jolly holidays and free stuff.
a jolly holiday in the city.
sadly, it’s been almost a week since last wednesday when i spontaneously used my last personal day for a little personal fun. my mom was taking her students on a field trip and asked kyle and me to join her. kyle wasn’t able to go, which disappointed me at first, but then i made up my mind to venture into chicago alone, and what a lovely day for an afternoon in the city it turned out to be.
how refreshing to turn left onto e. state street instead of right on a wednesday morning! how carefree it feels to zip along i90, listening to exactly your choice of music!
zooming confidently into the city alone, i was proud to maneuver myself through the crazy hubbub to the exact spot where i had to meet mom. after a lovely little lunch, i discovered that the forever21 store on michigan avenue was about a block away, so i got to spend a lazy hour shopping! a few terrific dresses and a pair of pants later, i was on my way to see mary poppins starring ashley brown and gavin lee, the mary poppins and bert that i got to see on broadway!
having not liked it the first time through, i was leery as to whether or not i would enjoy myself at all the second time through. but it was even better! ashley brown is amazingly talented and poised, and gavin lee delivers relentless sophistication and merriment.
after the show, i hovered around in hopes of snagging an autograph or two. i got both ashley’s and gavin’s, which excited me. then back to the car with a pitsop at woodfield on the way home for another little shopping spree.
it was a fabulous day. i’m not sure why, but i learned a lot about myself and enjoyed being independent for a change. it put me in a bright and optimistic mood, complete with a twinge of depression upon coming back home to the daily grind.
there have been other blog-worthy events since then. friday and saturday night were spent downtown at the spring art scene, and that entailed drinks, art & photography, familiar faces, and a screen print t-shirt featuring artwork by javier jiminez.
on saturday afternoon, kyle’s frugal eyes spotted a full-size reclining leather couch on the curb of some mansion’s house. A COUCH?! A TAN LEATHER COUCH FOR FREE?! long story short, we got the landlord on our side (he has a truck), and snatched that nice little find right up. it took about an hour to reconfigure our living room, but once it was all settled, we celebrated! we have seating!
the story continues with Monday afternoon, when i picked up kyle from school. he had adam and andy with him, and i brought them all home to hang out. when we had parked on the street outside our house, kyle spotted another couch down the street a bit on the curb. “wait,” he said. “there’s a couch down there for free.”
so, really, why wouldn’t we all walk down there? upon inspection, we deemed this new couch just as good (if not better) than the first one, and so those three boys picked it up and carried it off. HAHA. as we walked up the block back to our house, the owners drove by, honking and waving, instructing us to enjoy that couch. “we will!” we shouted.
this one took much less fuss to get in the house, and only a little more rearranging.
but now, with two new (FREE!) couches, we finally have a lounge. yes, folks, a lounge. not a living room. lounge.
so it’s almost perfect. tonight i need to buy a few essential things to maximize the design and style of the room. new area rug, a few throw pillows, get some artwork framed. modern with a vintage vibe.
because that’s just the way we roll.
it’s sad to see that glorious weekend slip by and join the others as memories. it was a weekend of bohemians and artists, treasure hunts, and overnights. complimentary wine and thrift stores. scrambled eggs for breakfast and armageddon weekend on the history channel.
fabulous, as always.
(2 hours until i can leave work and start my night).
by amanda joan jensen at 3:11 PM 2 comments
4.13.2009
a new obsession.
zooey deschanel.
while engaged in my couch potato adventures tonight, i've decided that i love her. she's 29 and super young and fresh. this is inspiring to me as i turn 26 and feel 32. it's sad to watch the female icons get younger and younger. like hannah montana's great and everything, but i can't dress or act like her.
it's hard for a 20-something to find a stylish and fresh role model. we want someone super fashionable and fun, but WOMANLY, not girly. i kinda like scarlett johansson. she's a year older than me and she's pretty down.
yeah, she was annoying in the happening, but that whole movie was annoying. so i've decided to try her on and check her out for awhile. and wear more cotton, apparently.
and trim my bangs.
by amanda joan jensen at 9:23 PM 2 comments
the taste of spring.
easter weekend has been lovely. i'm glad my night's not completely over.
by amanda joan jensen at 8:12 PM 0 comments