when it rains it pours.

i'm sick. and irritated.
and i really, really need a digital camera. like this one. too much of my life is being passing by undocumented.

my mysteriously scratchy throat erupted into a sneezy, runny, shivery flu today. and a face-melting headache. so even if i wanted to be fun and feisty after school, my poor work-shocked body tumbled into bed and under the covers with no hopes of getting up soon. miserable.

my job in durand (which is now OVER) has yet to be fruitful. i am watching the bills come in and the withdrawls rapidly exiting my bank account, and still there is no check in my mailbox to deposit IN to my bank. i am constantly befuddled by the people who are in charge in this world. apparently things like making schedules, giving raises, and writing checks are among the most difficult tasks in the world. on the contrary, it seems that the easiest tasks in the world are to say or write things like, "you will be paid in march" or "your raise will be on your next paycheck." man, do i have the wrong job.

so i am quite disgruntled tonight. work is harder than i remembered. all of my happy, carefree thoughts have been swallowed by my busy, frustrated thoughts. my under-eye circles, which faded to a tolerable dove gray over spring break, have returned to their murky-violet selves. my skin, which had been lovingly scrubbed, moisturized, and pampered has immediately turned sallow and lifeless. my nose is hot and runny. my throat is swollen and sore. my eyes burn. my hair got hailed on.

64 days and 15 hours until summer.
until then, it's desperate survival mode.

"sweet lovers love the spring."

you will never guess: i just spent about FOUR hours of my last day of spring break figuring out how to get fr#@!king blogger to work. over the course of those four hours, i:

a. searched for blogger template websites
b. tried about fifteen different layouts, only to find out that none of them would enable comments
c. got a wordpress (i don't think i'm going to use it though. it's just as complicated as blogger).
d. looked for more blogger layouts
e. FINALLY found the secret magic code that enables comments no matter WHICH layout you choose. hit me up if you want it. it'll cost you $5. lol.

but now i have the layout i want and you can comment. UGH.

so yes, as i stated already, today is (was) my last day of spring break. i'm so depressed! it has been such a marvelous week; i mean, really, it was perfect. i wish it was twice as long. because it took me this whole week to get out of work mode and into spring break mode. and now that i'm there, why do i have to go back?!

enough about work. it's inevitable.

let's talk about my new personal color palette.

while i will never ever tire of my most favorite color EVER, chartreuse, i have started to see it in a new light. before, i was always about chocolate, chartreuse, and pumpkin. now let me introduce you to my new adopted colors:

first, an homage to chartrese:







and now, meet robin's egg blue (often referred to as tiffany blue):







mmm, so lovely.
and my new favorite color to mix with robin's egg blue needs a for-sure name. but right now i've been calling it "vintage beige", "cameo" or "porcelain." but you get the idea:







vintage colors in the springtime. too bad it's not quite spring yet.
HURRY UP!!

check!

i'm officially checking an item off of my "wanted" list for spring/summer 09.

today, i walked into TJ maxx without expectation. then i met them. and we have already become best friends.

i would like you to meet my new shoes:



steve madden. smoothed, polished patent leather. beige with just a whisper of taupe.
who says money can't buy happiness? 24.99 and i'm all smiles.

summer/roadtrip fashion ideas.

because i'm too excited about summer/roadtrip fashion (and my wallet can't keep up), here are the things that are floating around in my mind:

1. oh, hobo bag.  i can't wait until i can toss my structured, professional-looking, neutral colored work purses to the back of my closet and wear something more buttery, bright, and sloppy by my side:



2. brown leather flip flops. no more patent pointy-toe flats. no more black heels. no more tights. just feet. and leather. and summer:



3. one bohemian skirt. in taupe. perfect for laying in fields. or picnics:



4. in exchange for sweater dresses: sun dresses. the reigning champion of fashion; the article of clothing that has captured my heart for life. cotton, lightweight, vintage, pretty, summery, cool.







while we're on sundresses, i should mention the maxi dress. they're everywhere. and i've started to take a second look at them. at first, i just passed them by. they were like 6-foot tall giants; evil villains waiting to swallow me into their bold and assertive patterns. but the more i thought about them, the more i can visualize how nice it would be to have a full length, solid colored maxi. hemmed to my ankles. completely comfortable and carefree.



it'll take some searching...but i think the rewards will be well worth it.

5. lightweight scarves. for knotting, draping, tying, wrapping. in florals and cottons. not plaids and cashmeres.



6. jersey-knit genie pants. the new gauchos. way better. too bad these don't translate as well as gauchos did for work. but they do work perfectly for everything else...



7. enough said. can't you just picture it?



8. french braids as headbands. hopefully mine will look as glamorous as these:



9. peasant shirt. i got one at the goodwill already, so it's not on the "i need it" list. but nonetheless, it should be recognized in this blog. peasant shirt, meet skinny capris. skinny capris, meet peasant shirt. you two will be getting along quite well, i presume...



10. beige flats. to replace the black ones (and to ease the blow...i'll be mourning the black ones). these are really pretty, but also more expensive than the pointy-toed versions i already bought from payless. but you get the idea...



ten things. out of my head and chronicled. categorized. a checklist (i already have numbers 9 and 10!).
so hopefully i can get some work done now (cause i still haven't done ANYTHING).

how i've stayed entertained:

another lazy day of spring break is here.  i think this one needs to be different though.  i think it's time to get some cleaning and organizing done.  i have been slowly doing the laundry over the past two days.  it sucks because our dryer is pretty much broken.  it only dries about five thin articles of clothing and doesn't really heat up.  so that's why it's taken awhile to get the laundry done.  only a little more to go.  and then i have a mountain - yes, mountain - of clothes to put away.  boo.

but getting cleaned up and organized will make me feel less guilty about lounging around.  and since i plan on doing a lot more lounging in the next 4 days, i've gotta do some chores.  

onto some news:

kyle and i took one look at the gloomy, drizzly rain yesterday and deemed it worthy to spend our afternoon inside at the movies.  coraline in 3D it was.

i went with no expectations.  kyle knew more about the movie than i did; i had only watched the preview one time, deciding it looked pretty imaginative.  i figured it would be just another kid movie like all of those movies they're cranking out nowadays.  but, having nothing to lose, i took my chances.

first, let me warn you that since it's in 3D, you gotta pay for the 3D glasses.  so much for the 5-buck club.  so instead of $10 for a tuesday afternoon matinee, it cost kyle and i $17.  we had a $6 gift card, so that softened the blow a little.

and we entered the world of coraline, a tough and imaginative pre-adolescent girl who craves excitement in her boring, monotonous world.  she's attention-starved and lonely, and just moved into a 100 year old house with her parents, who are too busy to deal with her.

eventually she finds her excitement by finding a mysterious, glowing rabbit hole and crawling to an alternate universe.  i won't spoil the ending, because you have to go see it!

as i watched this movie in curiously realistic 3D (it's subtle, not in-your-face), i really felt that i had crawled through coraline's rabbit hole and into her world.  it's SO artistic.  i couldn't stop thinking about the art and colors the whole time.  i am amazed at what people can do.

as for the plot, it was dark and eery, but not in a weird way.   it was like a hauntingly mysterious fairy tale, where the lines between good and evil are thin and magic feels both good and bad at the same time.

i encourage you all to go see this movie.  this is one you'll regret not seeing in theaters because of how much detail you will see and how the experience pulls you into that world.  if you saw it, comment and tell me what you thought about it!

so after coraline i felt a little over-stimulated so kyle and i just went home.  had some leftover pizza and beer, and then decided it was time to watch more WEEDS.

dude, the show is freaking awesome. mary louise parker is like a goddess to me. she is one of the most talented actresses i've ever seen. her nuances and gestures are matchless. kyle and i are in the middle of season 3 somewhere, so DON'T spoil anything for us!! so the rest of our day was pretty much spend eating snacks and watching episode after episode of WEEDS.

the only thing left to talk about is our beer cap collection! we've been collecting all of our beer caps for almost a year and we totally filled up the pitcher we were using to collect them in. eventually they are going to turn into "mosaic tiles" to cover the top of a table, so i think we might need a few more. anyway, last night my curiosity finally got the best of me, and so i emptied out the pitcher, sorting the caps by name and color.  i never got a full head count on how many we had total, but it was really interesting to see all of the different colors and designs and to see which beer we had drunk the most of.  i started creating a mosaic pattern on the floor, but i realized that idea was going nowhere (i hadn't measure the table top, and i don't have any supplies ready for gluing.  the table still needs to be sanded and stained!) so that was enough for now.  it gave me some things to think about.  i think that will have to be a summer project.  that will give us some time to collect some more caps (and to look for some more cool ones!).  so i found a bigger container to house our collection for now.

well enough laying around in bed. i said i have stuff to do, so off to work i go.

i've got the sun in the morning and the moon at night.

i really should be cleaning the disgusting bathroom sink right now.  it's got soap and hair and dust all over it.  but i took one look at it just now and ALMOST cleaned it, but then i thought, eh.  it's spring break.  disgusting sinks can wait.  i want to blog.

the last three days have been completely carefree and perfect.  sunny weather, no plans.  sleeping in late.  not getting out of bed until even later.  lazy lunches, driving around, seeing plays.  no constricting work clothes.  we stocked the fridge with lots of beer and snacks and now there are just movies to watch and games to be played.  kyle and i are both in happy moods.  it's just been wonderful.  it makes me so excited for summer, when the days will all be like this.  sunny days, rainy days, lazy days, peaceful days.  

it's time for me to stop shopping.  i'd been having some fun weeks for a while, basically buying whatever i needed and most of what i wanted.  but after doing some mental math yesterday i decided that the leftover amount in my bank account has reached that unfriendly, smaller number that makes you have to count and budget more.  boo.  having a shopping addiction is so hard.

i tried to buy wedding shoes yesterday.  good news: $10.  bad news: i HATE them with the dress and have to return them.  they are GORGEOUS shoes.  black and strappy with dripping rhinestones all over them.  but this bridesmaid dress is so ethereal and effervescent.  its very fairy-like, or grecian-goddess.  yesterday i tried to just close my eyes and visualize the PERFECT SHOE for the dress, and i just can't do it.  it's a fairy dress.  i want to be barefoot!  or wear cool foot jewelry.  so the hunt is still on for ethereal black strappy heels.  hm.  send me a link if you find anything...but hopefully from a store in rockford...i don't think i have time to order any!  i just found these online; i kinda like them.  simple and delicate, yes.  but patent?  siiiiigh.  

well i'm off to a meeting right now.  if all goes well, you'll hear about it.

things coming together; things coming undone.

it's been so long. it's not that i don't want to blog. 

my mind has just been zip-darting in a million different directions.  and my body has had to be up and at 'em at WAY too many places.

so durand is over now.  it got pretty intense toward the end, as all productions do.  bad attitudes, stress, time crunches, frustrating situations.  but opening night came.  and as all productions do, it magically pulled together and i was so very proud of my hard work and of the inspiring students.  i have become quite close with some of those kids and will really miss them.  i'm not sure what the future holds, now that amanda won't be returning.  i do know that i was not ready to say goodbye.

things at the day job have been sublime.  i'm doing a good job, which feels good.  i feel like i am making a difference at this school and in the lives of my students.  my lessons are (for the most part) interesting, diverse, and well-developed.  my principal loves me, which is probably the best part.  my facilities are amazing, i have a lot of freedom, and i am surrounded by ALL of the arts everyday.  i feel like i am in the PERFECT place right now; it's so fulfilling. 

and i just found out that i'm already re-hired for next year!  no questions asked, no paperwork, no waiting to "see", nothin.  just keep on getting paid all summer and show up in the fall.  nice.

it's SPRING BREAK!!!  i have virtually NO plans and that's totally cool.

i have an extremely exciting job prospect for this summer, but don't have all of the information yet, so i won't disclose until i know more.  

i have been doing some good shopping lately.  got some clearance stuff at target: a red and black flowered winter-to-spring transition dress and an swingy, spandex black dress for summer (awesome).  i still need to find some dressy black heels for the wedding.  something open-toe that doesn't have an ankle strap (bad news for us short-legged girls).   everytime i've planned to go look for shoes, i wind up wandering off the planned path.

like tonight, for example.  i decided to go shoe shopping, but went to the goodwill first.

WELL.

i got lots of stuff - good sales!  pj pants, long sweatshirt, a few hippie shirts, 3 pashmina scarves, 2 tshirts for kyle, a wide, burnt sienna belt, a couple of costume pieces for the upcoming play (the other side of the wall) that my advanced theater class is putting on, a gray plaid skirt for spring, a beige shrug, a white peasant shirt to wear to sunday morning breakfasts (or humid roadtrips), and a structured, zippered jacket in black, to name a few.  yeah, jackpot.  it's so nice that spring (and eventually summer) is here.  i am eager to stop thinking about sweater dresses and suede boots and am definitely feeling ready for skinny capris, gypsy skirts, and shirtdresses.  

except i'm almost 26.  and even though my weight had remained relatively stable and healthy, it still doesn't change the fact that my undereye circles have definitely not gotten any less purple.  or that my skin hasn't loosened a little.  or that i have a rapidly growing spider vein on my leg.  or that i just don't look 17 anymore.  it's really starting to get to me.  keeping myself feeling presentable and confident just gets harder and harder.  ugh.  enough of this; i'm getting depressed.

then guess what:  i finally got my industrial piercing tonight!

yes, it hurt.  really bad at first.

i'm feeling okay right now, but i probably have a few painful weeks coming up.

i'm feeling more than okay now.  i feel like i really have a lot of wonderful things in the future headed my way.  i am all smiles, all optimistic, feeling everything fall into place.

dizzy roadtrip competitions.

life started going too fast.  too much to do.  definitely not enough time to do it all.  i have three things to talk about.  since i am starting this blog apologizing for how hectic life has been for me lately, let's start with number one.

1. MY HEALTH

the sound of my footsteps walking briskly down the long hallway of my school rattle noisily in my delicate brain.  to the office to drop off a document, to the copy room to make 35 copies before my next class.  my time is not my own; it belongs to the bell.  2 minutes to finish this.  47 minutes to finish that.  all day, my ears are pained by the sound of shrill, shrieking middle school voices.  the sound of their voices never stops.  never.  

and it's not just this job.

wake up.  stumble downstairs for caffeine.  hungry kitties.  scrape the windows.  dodge the east state bridge.  fight through the exhaustion to make my lessons meaningful.  85 minutes of planning time, which i spend deciding how to spend that 85 minutes.  wait for kyle.  yearn to walk in the house and stay there.  scramble for sweatpants.  heart starts to pound.  settle on cheez-its for dinner.  temples pound.  drive dizzily across town in rush hour traffic.  piercing, splitting headache.  car wrenches to the left, to the right.  my stomach goes with it.  the minutes don't belong to me.  :37.  :48.  :56.  never enough time.  shallow breaths.  potholes.  writhing in pain.  my head.  my head.  my head.

and so it went like this for about 3 months, and then more things happened.

thinking.  thinking.  working.  planning.  BOOM.  brain melts.  lava-lamp spots dance goo-ily in my eyes.  the lights flicker.  i teeter.  my head bobs along a watery current...slowing to a calm, back and forth consciousness and then slamming into a tidal wave.  black.  white.  fuzzy.  blue.  

3 hours go by and i am still imprisoned in this dizzying, double-visioned nightmare.  my heart races.  i tried to eat.  still the same.  deciding i must be exhausted, i go home and sleep.

when nothing changes the next day, i go to the doctor.  he checks my blood.  monitors my heart for 24 hours.  makes me even more dizzy by making me lay down and sit up.  i have a fever.  i am shaky.  i panic.

the good news is that i've been feeling much better over the last few days.  the bad news is that nothing has been diagnosed yet, and i am fearful that i might be hit with it again.  tomorrow is a day off.  i plan to spend it in complete relaxation.

2. KYLE'S AMAZING TALENT THAT GOT HIM A JOB AND SUMMER 2009.

my boyfriend is exceptionally talented.  everytime i see him onstage in something new, he impresses me all over again with something vivid and new.  detailed and intimate.  go see the diary of anne frank at rockford college.  he is absolutely astounding.

all this talent got him a terrific job this summer that will keep him mostly in my arms during the hot and lazy days and will reward him fruitfully in the evenings.  i think i am planning on doing nothing this summer.  i just want to sprawl out and remain still in the sunshine.

when his job finishes up at the end of july, he and i will have a whole glorious month off together.  so we have planned a long and inspiring road trip out west.  i think about it every free second i have (which is not much).  through illinois, missouri, oklahoma, texas, new mexico, arizona, utah, nevada, and california up to oregon, idaho, wyoming, colorado, nebraska, iowa.  taking it slow.  seeing amazing parks and landforms.  sleeping in the car during thunderstorms.  in tents under starry night skies.  with the windows open at a beach-side hostel.  see some shows.  listen to music.  slow down.  it's going to be remarkable.

3. SHOW CHOIR COMPETITION

today we brought durand singsation to brodhead, WI for a show choir competition.  words seriously cannot describe it, but i am going to try.

it was amazing.  

i have never seen such talented performers or witnessed such thriving music programs in schools.  sequins, fans, sets, combo bands, costume changes.  we were packed into the gymnasium with a million people.  all of us dancing, all of us cheering.  the incredible groups onstage performed everything from "all that jazz" to "higher ground" to "4 minutes."  it was the coolest thing i've ever seen.  i would love to someday work at a school that has a program as strong as those.  amanda and i are going to work hard to bring durand up a few notches every year.  little by little we want to strengthen this program to create something that the kids and us can be proud of.  baby steps.

as exciting as today was, it was also a little depressing.  melancholy.  i remember being in high school and being in show choir.  it's sad to think that that chapter of my life is over and now i am the 25 year old.  i can't help but be bitter that i didn't have an awesome show choir/musical theater program at my high school.  i think that it would have taken me different places in my life.  i would have realized how much i loved performing even more.  would have been challenged.  would have grown up with peers who had the same passions as me.

instead i was a big fish in a small pond who got released into the big pond of life.  and there are some huge fish out there. 

i'm exhausted.