this masquerade is getting older.

ugh. time, inevitably, passes.
i remember all of the beautiful or bittersweet moments of my life when i have yearned for time to slow down...stop all together.

closing nights in woodstock, breakfast in sullivan, sleeping in hotel beds, sunday nights...

in all actuality, this holiday break has gone by slowly. lazy mornings in bed waking up and falling back asleep for hours, savoring every mug of tea and coffee, hot afternoon showers, unsolved mysteries marathons, game nights by the fireplace, falling asleep without setting an alarm.

part of all this is that i just get too sentimental. i dunno. i can't help it. i am a naturally contemplative person. to me, its pointless to be alive if you can't BE ALIVE. to feel and think and enjoy. so as day dwindled into night today i couldn't avoid the morose feeling that slowly overwhelmed me. back to work. time crunches and rushed meals and uncomfortable clothes and watching the clock. my break didn't even seem fun as it was happening but now that i don't have it anymore it seemed so perfect.

tonight was our xmas/goodbye party for my hobby lobby team. xmas because our schedules were too crazy to have it last week and goodbye because i decided i didn't have time to work there anymore this year and because susan's last day is on the 6th because she's going to NIU this spring. after 2 years of working there all day everyday with those four women, i really didn't know how to say goodbye. and i didn't realize how sad it would be. i have to look at this chapter in my life as exactly that...a chapter. a story within a story that had its own meaning and reason.

oooh. this entry came full circle. the ending of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.
goodbye 2008. hello 2009.

and this is for leslie, lynda, DLB, and suz. i will always love you all.

"i've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them...and we help them in return.

well, i don't know if i believe that's true, but i know i'm who i am today because i knew you.

like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun; like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood:
who can say if i've been changed for the better - but because i knew you, i have been changed for good.

it well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part:
so much of me is made of what i learned from you. you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.
and now whatever way our stories end, i know you have rewritten mine by being my friend."