make of our lives one life.

the twinkling party lights have finally flickered out. the supple, fragrant bouquets have dried and drooped.

a week ago today there was ebullient hullabaloo ringing around me. this joyous festival to smile and squirm about. events about to happen. dreams about to come true. dresses about to be worn. it didn't matter what happened during the day, because everything was was about the impending nuptials. my little brother got married!

to make a long and powerful story brief, it was beautiful. simple, sweet, but above all, romantic. candelight, honest vows of love, music composed by the other brother, white tablecloths. i couldn't believe how emotional i was at the ceremony, looking at my parents, then at my dear little brothers who are now men, and feeling like that safe little nest of five is now going to be forever in the past. not that this is bad news. we're simply expanding. but after 25 (almost 26 - agh!) years of the jensen five, we are now the jensen six. there's another one in our pack. as the rush of excitement flooded through me, the bittersweet nostalgia of the past played like a slideshow in my mind as my little brother put a ring on his wife's finger to the sound of the other little brother singing. and i couldn't help but be two years old again, singing with dan for my parents and playing dress up. i was cuddled up under the blankets in my brothers' room on a thunderstorm-y night trying to muffle our giggles so mom and dad didn't wake up.

my little brothers - my littermates.

well then it was time to celebrate. at the reception there was dancing and dining, toasting and talking. i couldn't believe that all of these people were all in the same room together. dear old friends, new friends, beloved cousins, doting grandparents, new relations. all merry and moving about together, mixing and meeting, holding hands and dancing.

the weekend that followed was simply more of the same. i wish families didn't have to be so far apart. having my cousins with me made everything so much fun. we dressed up for ABBA karaoke at the (new) hope & anchor english pub (i won!), stayed up late every night and slept in until mom would text us to meet for a lazy brunch.

it was so much fun that monday was almost unbearable. i went numbly about my job all week, resenting how stressful it is. the year is spiraling to an end and things just keep getting crazier and crazier. i've been an awful teacher all week because i'm so exhausted and glum.

the long weekend is here at last and i'm going to start it off low-key. no matter what happens in my life, i foresee that i will always be the type of person who beelines back into bed when i get home from work. something about standing up in restrictive clothing all day makes my body yearn for soft comforters and pillows to sink into.

and that is where i am now: tranquilized by my sanctuary and yearning to re-read a midsummer night's dream tonight.

yes, indeed.