We'll have fun fun fun.

Funny how a change of scenery makes all the difference.

What a different world I live in from the world I became so accustomed to this summer. Now the sun sets at 5pm. Now I wrap up in fleece, flannel, and wool to keep myself warm. Now there are concerts, festivals, classes, meetings, rehearsals. Now my only free time is on the weekends.

Have I changed since this summer? Of course.
But I don't feel worse. Or negative.

I feel so accomplished. I love my job and I love teaching, which makes the days flash by in a snap.
I feel so heathy. I have been doing so much moving, dancing, teaching, stretching, eating only when needed, not so much caffeine. As a teacher, you NEED that. Otherwise you just face plant and the kids run circles around you.
I feel positive and mostly rested (amazing). Perhaps that is what comes from finding inner peace and clarity - true clarity: that feeing of knowing exactly what you want and when you want it.

Visualize what you want and hang on to that picture. Print it out or paint it if you have to. (The more I look at trees, the more trees I see, the more beautiful they look, etc). The more you visualize, the more it will surround you - seriously!

Communicate honestly and assertively.

Keep your heart filled with love. If it starts to get low, remind yourself of something you're grateful for.
It is the season of Thanksgiving, after all.

Happy Holidays!

live high, live mighty, live righteously. takin' it easy...

fall has me feeling extremely creative, inspired, and philosophical.

next time you feel your temper rise, stop everything and ask yourself to find the positive. rephrase your negativity into what you're really feeling. maybe you feel disappointed, frustrated, fed-up, stressed out. whatever it is, it never gives you the right to spread it around to other people. never suppress emotions or apologize for being upset; it's human nature. but instead of blowing up and pushing everyone around you away, reach out for their help.

"i'm sorry, i'm just so upset about this. it really disappointed me." or "i'm sorry, i just have so much going on at work. it's hard for me to put a lot of thought into other things right now." or "i'm sorry, i just need to calm down for a minute. all of this stuff is really overwhelming me."

and then talk it out.

it will change everything, i promise.

sick kitty with a happy ending.

sick little gus. my sweet baby.

rushed to the vet friday because he kept trying (in agonizing pain) to wee all over the house. the vet said he has FLUTD - Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disorder.

incurable. :( BUT treatable & preventable.

fortunately, he had prompt medical attention and was given a new diet and heavy painkillers to make him loopy. i spent the weekend nursing my little guy and watching him suffer. it was terrible.

his suffering motivated me to devote this weekend to converting our dirty basement storage room into a living room. got lucky at garage sales & salvation army/goodwill, went crazy with my wetjet, threw out a lot of garbage, and moved 2 couches (one has a bed!), 2 comfy chairs, a huge area rug, a coffee table, and various other lighting/decor effects and now i am writing to you from my cozy new living space.

and i have a very happy little kitty (who is feeling MUCH better) snoozing on his blankie. he had a tiring day of playing and exploring in the new basement. his new diet seems to have done wonders for his little system & i am so happy to have my little orange kitty back to normal. both of my kitties are smothering me with love & gratitude. i knew living with 4 cats was going to be rough. i'm glad i got this basement opened up to give them all a little more room to spread out and claim.

my kitties deserve it. after all, they are my little rays of sunshine every day. and just in case i had forgotten, this weekend reminded me of how precious they are to me.

happy monday night. :)

lights will guide you home & ignite your bones

it takes an explosion to break something apart
to shatter into pieces all over the floor
in a really messy disarray

it takes some putting back together again
picking up the pieces and counting 1-2-3
sorting into piles and working into place
there were a lot of pieces

it takes the healing power of time
erasing thoughts, purging chemicals
easing up & starting fresh
and just go one day at a time.

the explosion was thursday. now, we fix.

things i might have done, complete with photos.

one memorial day to one labor day. the summer of 2009.
no longer the gently-passing moments of the present, but now a completed story: an entity.
it now has a name. it has music and smells and tastes that are associated with it. it is now the past.

it started with absorbing and photographing sunlight everywhere i went. sprinkled through the budding tree branches, washing over saturated blue skies, and sparkling over the surface of the rock river.

the sun peeking through the trees in late may

and the days became languid. heavy with warm air and endless sunlight, enchanted with fireflies and fluffy clouds. my nights became later as my body fell happily into its natural biologic rhythm. any notion of a schedule was far from my mind.

it became obvious that i would accompany kyle to the suburbs almost every day, where he was earning a living as an actor in the marriott's 25th annual putnam county spelling bee. my daily trips to the suburb became my times of inspiration and enlightenment. those beautiful clouds never quit, and the northwestern suburbs are packed with forest preserves to read books under trees in. i shared a silent and magical moment in a prairie with a deer and spent many lazy afternoons in the sunlight at the marriott pool. beautiful, beautiful memories.


a deer in the suburbs


a brilliant blue pool all to myself, day after day

then came the 4th of july. my beloved aaron was in town for the festivities, and my brother, susan, danielle, and more joined the celebration. the hazy rain put a damper on our cookout plans, but we still made quite a feast for our guests and walked from our apartment downtown to the jefferson street bridge, where we had the most beautiful view.


shopping for our independence day feast



our romantic spot



stunning view

when kyle finished spelling bee, the trips began. he and i were free to roam wherever we pleased day after day. we saw 6 cardinals game (st. louis twice, milwaukee three times, and philadelphia once). we drove to zion, IL to take in the beauty of lake michigan and the amazing clouds. we road tripped to pennsylvania for a jason mraz/dave matthews concert. we saw some of the most beautiful stretches of highway in the midwest. we listened to hours and hours of endless music. we walked on sand, skipped stones, tailgated in the mud, watched sunsets, chased storms, witnessed floods. all amazing and unforgettable experiences.


clouds from the highway


a stormy sky over the illinois river bridge near lasalle, IL


my favorite buddy to root for the cardinals with


beautiful sunset over busch stadium in st. louis, MO


under the arch in st. louis


pennsylvania mountains from our campground


dave matthews concert in hershey, PA


clouds hanging over the pennsylvania mountains


clouds to take your breath away over lake michigan in zion, IL


with my soulmate at the edge of illinois

eventually, the wanderlust faded. the money was all spent. and mine and kyle's jet-setting days were traded in for long, lazy days spent doing absolutely nothing but staying in bed for movie marathons, making delicious meals, taking walks, playing with the kitties, and enjoying having our apartment to ourselves. these days dragged by, but they were also the catalyst for some of the amazing and intimate bonding experiences kyle and i shared. i don't think we've ever connected as closely as we did this summer.


our resting spot while hiking @ rock cut state park


enjoying the fact that his mom has a pool


our official drink of summer: arizona sweet tea chased by arizona mango madness - YUM.


breakfast on the porch: grilled panini with apricot halves

the end of summer brought a few scattered activities and some family time. it ended with a bang at the jason mraz concert at the charter one pavilion in chicago, IL. it was video taped for a live album release this fall (!), and we waited in line ALL DAY LONG, earning us front-row-center spots. probably the most amazing day of my life.


dear friends new and old


oh, hi jason mraz


peace. love. music. summer...

which brings us to labor day 2009. and back to school. and autumn.
these are not all bad things.

labor day was lovely. a trip to milwaukee (just like how summer started on memorial day) to watch the cardinals beat the brewers, then to chicago to be entertained by my brother's band, the paradigm, who played at the red line tap.

back to school is perfectly all right. i need the productivity to remind me how beautiful summer will be when it rolls beguilingly back around. i'm having an amazing year so far. i'm really connecting with my students and having success after success with my lessons and activities. i am determined to build the drama program at ellis into something substantial! sure, my schedule is rough. never enough sleep, never enough time, a to-do list that adds items faster than i can check them off, and that's only school related. there's also durand, boyfriend, cleaning house, taking care of kitties, showering, running errands. yeah. it's hectic. but as i said, if summer lasted forever, it would stop being so sweet.

and autumn is always beautiful. i look forward to the colors of paradise. i look forward to watching the leaves fall to the ground revealing twisted and mystic trees silhouetted against the sky. i look forward to eating chili and stew and apple cider. i look forward to having a warm, cozy home, welcoming the holidays with a positive attitude and a heart full of love and gratitude.

life has become steady. finally.

so this posting is my ode to summer. my sorrowful farewell to the most incredible and happy nights of my life.
a promise to never ever forget.

"summer breeze, well it makes me feel fine, blowin' through the jasmine in my mind..."

"wake up sleepy head, i think the sun’s a little brighter today.
smile, and watch the icicles melt away and see the waters rising
summer’s here to stay, and that sweet summer breeze will blow forever.
go down to the shore, kick off your shoes, dive in the empty ocean."

"good day sunlight, i'd like to say how truly bright you are
you don't know me but i know you. you're my favorite star.
follow you i will so lets get moving"

8.5 months. but who's counting.

curbing emotion

so, summer has ended. is ending. will end. monday i go back to school. the end of summer will bring a sad & beautiful blog, but i'm still in denial (school doesn't OFFICIALLY start until monday, so i have 3 days...), so instead, i am going to blog about something on a lighter note.

MASCARA!!

if you didn't know or assume this about me, i am a mascara-guru who is quite picky about her eyelashes. i've had a few trusty brands, such as:







max factor 2000 calorie mascara (used this endlessly in college)







l'oreal volume shocking mascara (too high maitenance, but amazing results!)












maybelline colossal volum' mascara (the old trusty in my adult years)











but now, i have found a new lash-mate.

i recently picked up this one:







l'oreal extra volume collagen mascara

and it's my new favorite! this oversized wand makes me feel like i am a little girl using my mom's mascara, and when the brush glides over your lashes, it feels so big and fat that my eyelashes haven't a chance of staying thin and blonde.

exceptional!!

gush

jason mraz's "the remedy", reggae-style live @ hersheypark stadium in PA. i love it. actually more like obsessed.
and i was there!!