The Future I Cannot Forget

I've been having some very selfish thoughts lately. But I just see them so clearly; I can't help myself!
It's this visualization stuff. It just gets more and more vivid and clear.

I am very grateful to have grasped a pretty deep understanding of this life journey we make. I sit here today, 26 and feeling quite mature, remembering how mature I felt when I was 24. And then I think about how I could not have been more different two years ago. Every day I am learning, adjusting, responding, reflecting, commenting, improving. Which leads me to conclude that in two more years, I might be an entirely different person. How exciting!

So now I see the present as this fleeting thing. It just keeps rolling away from under me. One moment its 8am and I am drinking coffee and starting a new day, and then its 4pm and I am home and eager to relax and unwind. And before I know it, the sun has set and it's 9:30, time to start thinking about bed. It's just passing by so fast. I don't think I can live in the present moment anymore. It's quite exhausting! Instead, I have been thinking a lot about the future. Specifically, I have been thinking about the different twists and turns I may take along the way, each step getting stronger and better adjusted and more compassionate.

Step One is to give as much as I can at my current job. I definitely see the need to develop a strong curriculum and to inspire students to find an outlet through the performing arts; somewhere they can express their individuality and connect with others. I hope that sharing my knowledge and skills at work teaches me lessons as well. Lessons that lead me to my next step in life.

Eventually I will feel that there isn't much left for me at Ellis. Perhaps the days will grow monotonous, or it no longer feels like a challenge to achieve my goals. It is then that I will seek new opportunities, packing up the lessons and experiences and moving on.

And here is where the visualizations kick in. They are so vivid - down to the very last detail. When I think about the details and setting of this next chapter, I feel tingly with anticipation. Last night, in the quiet moments before I fell asleep, my mind was alive with pictures. It was almost as though I was Scrooge, being offered a glimpse of the future. It was so realistic, and the more I wanted it to be real, the more details I imagined

It was perfect. It was me and Kyle. We lived in Chicago with our kitties in an apartment with steps that led up to it. I seemed very peaceful and happy; there did not seem to be a presence of stress or anxiety at all. Kyle was working pretty steadily as an actor in the city; I was working as a choreographer for a college or small theater company. This is a job that is stable and profitable enough to make ends meet comfortably, but nothing more extravagant than that. It allows me to be creative and expressive, working with serious theater/dance students. I would teach classes during the day and choreograph the shows at night.

That is the synopsis of the whole story, with lots of details, friends, and locations filling in the empty spaces.

In the few short months it took me to become extremely inspired to become more generous, frugal, creative, positive, and open-minded, my life has progressed at lightening speed. I have changed into a person who is almost unrecognizable, and my life experiences are completely different, even day by day. At the rate I'm going, I don't think I could imagine who I could be after 4-6 years of generosity, money saving, creativity, positivity, and open-mindedness. Those are such powerful words and could change a nation, or a world, even. Who knows what could happen to one small person.

But I am so excited. Just...so excited. Life feels like it has just begun in a way.